God moves through ICU S567

Mom and Dad drove home yesterday to unpack, repack, take care of some things at work and maybe, just maybe get some sleep. As I talked with my mom on their drive home I reminded, “Take care of yourselves. You need to be well to care for others.” 

This isn’t a new concept for me to encourage. Allina Health is moving toward a model of whole person care.* It’s both a personal and professional goal of mine to make this happen. Being in the midst of a health situation where whole person care is essential, I’m living and breathing it. It’s fueling my already fiery passion. 

As Mom and Dad arrived home, I was just getting off work to visit Grandma. When I called the ICU nurse to ask how Grandma was, she replied “Um, well I’m not sure right now.” I quickly shot back a “What?!” The nurse replied, “We saw a change in her this afternoon from this morning. She is extremely weak and fatigued. The neurologist wants to do another CT. Can I call you back after I talk with the neurologist?” “Of course,” I said and hung up the phone. 

This was Grandma’s second CT. As I waited for the results, I busied myself with some cleaning. About 30 minutes passed and the phone rang. It was my uncle with news that the CT scan showed no change. After two scans since surgery, the bleed hasn’t gotten worse (that’s good) but it also hasn’t gotten better. I’m focusing on the “hasn’t gotten worse” part. 

The neurologist put Grandma on ‘no visitors’ for the remainder of the night. They also sedated her so she could rest. 

My heart yearns to hold her hand. 

I felt restless all night. As tough as it is to see her, it’s harder to be away. I usually text Grandma every evening around 7:30 p.m. You can imagine the Grandma-shaped hole in my heart as I looked at my phone last night. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t reply. 

Seven thirty came and a darkness hovered over me. I picked up my phone to text my parents. I continued encouraging them to take care. My mom replied with just the right words. (She always does.) 

This morning, Grandma remains stable but she’s not responsive, unlike yesterday morning when she was trying to talk with my parents and uncle. My mom, laughing through tears, described how cute her attempt at talking was. Her lips were moving but nobody could understand her. Grandma is a chatterbox in the best way. I can imagine how excited she felt as she discovered she could talk — or try, at least. I can also imagine how much it hurt. Today is much different. My uncle sits next to her reading as she lies silently with her eyes closed. 

My parents will be back this evening and I pray we’re able to be at bedside together. My family continues to nourish ourselves with scripture. My mom has been listening to archives of Billy Graham all morning. I was so numb upon waking, all I could do is repeat, “Prince of Peace” as I pet Murphy while listening to “Good Good Father” on my living room floor. But you know what? That’s whole person care. We’re grieving. We’re trusting. We’re being joyful in sadness. We’re taking care in our own way — for Grandma. 

The Lord is mending our breaking hearts, hour-by-hour. Circumstances change so quickly: things are good, then suddenly things are bad. That’s why we depend on JOY, which is not circumstantial, to carry us through. We smile through tears because no matter the outcome, she’s in Good Hands. Because God is moving in ICU S567. 

*Whole person care is nourishing yourself with the things you need — mind, body, spirit and community —  to be well. 

Mom always knows what to say.